Sunday, August 29, 2004

The Law of Parsimony*

The Law of Parsimony: When multiple explanations exist, the simplest is usually the correct.

* "Deception Point" by Dan Brown, p. 179

HOT!

Yeah! Hotmail is hot baby! I never thought I was going to say this but I do love Hotmail! After years of putting up with all their trash and all the mails that either they deleted or that never arrived in my inbox, I got the great news that they are expanding my storage to a beautiful 250MB! Before it was 10MB, quite a jump, ah?

3.5 out of 12.0

Three months and a half and nothing... What am I waiting for?

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Rationality

Me:
Would y'all like to ear the "rational me" talking about her? Speak up Dude! What do you have to say about her?

The Rational Me:
Well... she's not for me. We are different; we speak but we don't really talk to each other, and...

Me:
Shut up motherfucker!

The Rational Me:
You asked me, didn't you?

From a Distance*

From a distance
you look
like my friend,
even though
we are
at war.

* From a Distance, Beth Midler

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

King of Torts

I thought the deal with Patton French was going to turn sour, but much to my surprise it came out very well. Now Clay is alone against Goffman (The Maxatil Lawsuit) -not even Patton wanted to take it- and I'm sure things are going to get bumpy ahead.

My best guess is that he either becomes the "King" or screws up big time and gets his money, his bimbo -or maybe Rebecca- and flies to the Bahamas.

Excellent book. Read a hundred pages yesterday and another hundred today, can't put it down. Hold on tight Mr. Grisham, I'm going to eat up your books! You just got you another fan.

AMIX's e-mail

This blog is just for the record; unless you speak spanish there's very little you can get out of it. This is a copy of an e-mail that I just sent out to my best friend who wrote asking where the hell I had been. It turned out to be quite funny. As I said, just for the record.

A M I X !

Me hiciste reir con ese mensaje tan laconico. No te he escrito pero te he pensado mucho, no te parece mas cheverex? Al que se lo ha chupado un pollo y se esta derritiendo poco a poco en ese carro sin aire acondicionado y 40 a la sombra es a este pecho no joda! Ademas que el camello en el banco se ha reducido, por lo cual mi cuenta bancaria esta cada vez mas flaca y aunque tengo mas tiempo libre pa' ver pal' techo pues de chamba naranjas!

Pero como no hay mal que dure 100 anios ni puta que se lo aguante, lo que si ha ido aumentando parlaelo a los precios del barril de petroleo es mi vida social en este pinche pueblo. Hay mas planes que tiempo -y obviamente billetex- pero no hay felicidad completa en la vida dicen las malas lenguas. Es mas, hasta Yoga he estado haciendo a ver si los estiramentos, respiraciones profundas y pax interior guian a este 'bankrupt and hairy chest' por el sendero de la energia positiva y la felicidad espiritual. Y los resultados se han visto, para ser mas exacto los he visto con mis propios ojos: cada vez que me bajo del bus con 15 verdes para pagar mi clase de YOGAX la "profe" -mamacita- gestiona una sonrisa de oreja a oreja... tu crees que si le digo un dia "today I ain't paying for the class" seguira con esa sonrisa pepsodent? Vaya uno a saber.

La semana pasada hable con Heinz, Santiago y Carlos -el parchex calenio de Columbia-, que que ha habido, que cuando es que voy, que el aguardiente, que la rumba, etc. Como te digo, mas planes que time and $$$$ Imaginate que mi santa madre viene a visitarme en Octubre; y se queda la bobadita de 1 MES... eso si le dije que se tenia que ir, osea, que por favor se fuera antes de Halloween porque ese dia es sagrado para mi y me la aplico como si el planeta se fuara a acabar. Resaca unida con aterrizada y por ahi derecho cantaleta como en las viejas epocas si ni por el putas pues.

Amix, espero que te leas y releas este mail y que te dure bastante pues me voy a perder... no que tal boba! Que no se te vaya a empezar a encrespar el pelo no? Yo tome hace poquito un curso en otra universidad aqui en Charlotte de "Creative Writing" y he estado super juicioso dedicado a escribir, fiction y non-fiction y modestia aparte soy ujn putas. Ya a su debido tiempo te mando mis creaciones literarias para que te deleites.

Socrates, aquel filosofo griego en uno de sus mas conocidos libros sobre el comportamiento humano, afirmaba categoricamente que es mejor estar desPACHADA que despEchada y que no hay nada en esta puta vida que no cure una buena borrachera, o una "travis heavy metal" dependiendo de los gustos de cada comensal.

Mil besosx,

J E A N X !

>From: "AMIX "
>Date: Wed, 25 Aug 2004 15:56:55 -1800
>
>Y a SX que la chupe un pollo?
>Por que no me haz escrito????????????

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

C h i m i c h u r r i !

Today we had an awsome lunch. I work for a catering company and the chef that we have is a rat who barely feeds us. Today though was his birthday and maybe he finally had sex with his wife, and he was in a very good mood.

We had rice, oven potatoes with parmesan cheese melted on top, vegies and a nice piece of grilled beef for each one of us. On the side there was also some grilled onions and you know what else? CHIMICHURRI! That's a little salsa of greens that gives the beef a fucking awsome flavor.

It was so good that I even thank him for lunch (I never do) and I also said to him that it was excellent!

I know this is a stupid post but I ain't got nothing better to do.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Not in the Schedule

I woke up this morning early as usual, around 7:30. I got my cup of coffee as usual, read the news, checked my e-mail and checked the weather forecast for today. I read the news about the Olympics and the medals and the doping and the NYTimes' editorial on the nuclear waste in Arizona, etc. Around 8:30 I ironed my shirt and took a nice shower; dressed up, got my cereal and my apple and tied my neck tie. At 9:20 I jumped on my car with the usual stupid people on the streets that can't drive and got to work 10 minutes earlier... just to find out that I wasn't schedule to work today! Fuck!

So I just stood there for a while and my boss told me to help him do some shit that he was suppose to do, so that he could "get a cup of coffee and chill". Around noon I took off and came straight home to blog about it. Does it sound like a crappy Monday to you? If I'm lucky I'll take a nap all afternoon, wake up to have dinner and fall sleep again.

This are the type of days that I should delete from the calendar.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Kentucky (1)

The following is a project on my experiences as exchange student in Kentucky when I was 17 years old. A lot of shit happen that year -and a lot didn't- so this blog is going to take loooong time but I'm determined to tell the world about it! This blog it's build like a conversation, but only my voice is heard.

Kentucky? The Blue Grass State? Are you really from Kentucky? Of course, I should have guessed that you were from Lexington. I know Kentucky because I lived there for a year. Oh no, it wasn't Lexington unfortunately; and you wouldn't know this place, its a small county about hour and a-half from Lexington; lost in the middle of no where. No, there's nothing there -other than the locals of course, and during one year there was me in addition to them.

It was several years ago, to be more precise I got there 4 weeks after my 17th birthday and stayed there for almost a year: 11 months, 4-seasons, 48 and a half weeks. Too many fucking days there, believe me.

I was suppose to start my senior year in high school in those late summer days back in my country, but the truth is that when I was about to finish my junior year, my parents... eh, well, that's another story. The case here is that I spent all my 17th year of life as an exchange student among sheeps, dogs, cats, flies, few rats, a goat, a couple of skinny horses, some squirrels and my younger brother Donni among other animals.

I certainly didn't choose to go there. But to be honest with you I would have not known: I had just turned 17 years old and had lived all my life in the same city and in the same country. Well, yeah, it was a large city, actually the second largest city in my country but when you haven't seen anything else it doesn't make any difference whatsoever.

The thing is that back in Kentucky I didn't live in a city or a town, not even a small town. I lived in a farm with one road as a connection to the world. On the left of the house, sitting on top of a hill there was a neighbor and perhaps one of the only friends I had. I should say that he was my neighbor's son who was like 10 years older than me, weighted 400 pounds and did nothing at all. On the other side of the house there was a hill and beyond that I was told there was another neighbor. The story goes that my host Dad had an argument with him like 8 years ago and they had never spoken again ever since. In the back of the house at dusk I could hear the wolves crying out, looking for mates perhaps. There was a neighbor down there, but I always thought that it should have lived close to the border with Tennessee several hundred miles away. And in front of the house (this was a farm so "in front" means one-quarter of a mile) was the road. Some afternoons I remember sitting in the porch with my host family talking and looking at the cars passing by. It was very much a mirror of the speed of life there, one car every 15 minutes on average; but if there was "heavy traffic" perhaps two in a 10-minute period of time.

One year of my life there, my seventeenth year on this planet. There I was, full of youth and testosterone and looking at the cars and life pass by.

Make

What has developed me? What has made me what I am today? What I am today? I am my likes and dislikes so, what do I like and what I dislike? What are those things that move me and what would definitely won't get me out of bed on a Sunday morning?

Hunger makes me cook; tiredness and boredom make me drink coffee; lots of energy in my system makes me go to the gym; lack of time make me stress, make me cook pasta and make me make things half-made. Conversations with friends make me laugh; stories about travels and adventures, and conversations on history make me give you all my attention. Complains and sad stories make run like hell.

Attraction makes go miles; love makes me the sweetest guy on the Milky Way; acceptance and understanding make me happy and an allied. Lies make me angry; and if someone tries to take advantage of me my eyes turn red, my blood pressure goes sky high and my mind? Well, I just loose it! A hug makes me feel alive.

I feel a lot of shit don't I? And you know what? I feel that very soon I will start to feel hungry again for the 6th time today.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I Ain't Going Back!


This was my Supercuts' Disscount Card that no longer is. After today's tragic outcome, when the hairdresser fucked up my style and left me looking as an army conscript I swear I ain't never going back to Supercuts! Posted by Hello

I Ain't Going Back!

That's it, I ain't going back to Supercuts. That Russian Roulette that Supercuts is, had today the gun loaded and I was the victim. That woman that cutted my hair didn't even know how to hold the scissors. And the result is that even though I told her that I wanted it short "but not like a soldier", I now look like a conscript!

That's it. Those people in Supercuts can practice on somebody else's head; not mine. Fuck'em!

IQ

I took on the internet a test to see what my IQ was and this was the result:

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns.


If I recall well the numerical score was 124.

And for a great price of $12.95 they say that I can "Find out more about your IQ and your unique intellectual strengths in your custom 15-page report".

Do I look that stupid as to pay $12.95 for the results of a 5-minute/2-page test taken on the internet? And a 15-page report? That's almost like a page per answer!

Friday, August 13, 2004

Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Mo

Have you ever heard the rhyme

Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Mo,
Catch a tiger by his toe,
If he hollers make him pay,
fifty dollars every day.
My mommy told me to
pick the very best one
and you are it.

I am 31 years old and today for the first time today one of my co-workers told me that this was originally racist, could you believe that bullshit? Instead of tiger you'll use nigger. Fucking sick people! I believe it should've come from the South -where I live now- due to all the plantations and slavery back in the days. Now, I don't know if people are going to get offended if I use it.

I swear one of this days I'm going to be at the grocery store asking "could you please point me where can I find some papayas?", and someone will lawsuit me based on some kind of discrimination.

I tell you what we should discriminate in this country, fucking stupid people. How about those two ladies who lawsuit a Southwest flight attendant because she said "Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Mo... pick a seat, we gotta go."

Un-fucking-believable!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Way More Than a Corrupted File (4)

I wrote here in this very same pages about my laptop. It broke down one day, I thought it was a software problem but I had to buy a new hard drive for it -in the meantime i got me a new laptop- and my plan was to fix it and sell it.

Well, lesson number one: if your computer breaks down -and it's a laptop- throw it in the trash can, get you a new one and everybody happy. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FIX IT YOURSELF, because that's going to end up in a waste of time and money.

I got the hardrive, installed it and that shit doesn't work. The goddamn computer is not even fucking good for trash because you can't dump it in the trash can, it's ilegal. So I may just put it on ebay for sale for $1. I paid $600 for it and use for 3 months, I also paid $97 for the new hardrive, plus $1.147 for my new laptop. I could've bought something close to two thousand bucks with all that money, a kick-ass computer!

Anyway, I'm going to put that shit on ebay and I'm not going to mess with that shit anymore, enough headaches I've got from that.

Lesson number two: if something breaks down, do not attempt to repair it or to fix it. Put it for sale on ebay, there is someone more stupid (or smart) than you willing to buy it.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Pearls from my Boss

As I wrote before, I get from the dining room where I work for my daily dosis of laughs and frustrations. Today my manager came with the story of his minister or his minister's brother or someone related to his minister who just came back from China. He spent a week over there and of course came full of stories or should I say full of crap?

I have to point out that I lived in China for almost 2 years, worked with Chinese people, party with them and had my share of Chinese girls. I also traveled extensively around the country, and I know very well what's going on there.

Anyway, my boss mention a couple of pearls that just made me kind of angry. When I hear someone saying stupid things I just blow. First he said that what strike this person the most was to notice that Chinese people are not as happy as Americans, that they were always happy and smiling, saying hi to everybody and people weren't just like them. Explanation: You were on vacations mother fucker! you were been taken care of, showing around time, you were taken pictures and so on, while most of the people there just were about their regular lives. If you take one of those Chinese and take it to US -even to the Bible belt- they'll be smiling all the time (not just at all those overweight people on the street-, but because they traveling, knowing people and been taking care of. Duuuuuuuh!
Pearl number 2: there are no automatic cars in China, could you believe that? Well, only in "Lazy-Land", America, all the cars are automatic, in the rest of the world you find'em stick shift. Most of Europe, South America and Asia; and I bet Africa too. The logic of my boss is that roads there are not any good so some times you'll need extra power so there you go... no comments on that.
Pearl number 3: when they received their laundry back, it had attached a small white cloth string, and believe me I'm not making this up, they thought it was some kind of ID for the white Americans! I explain him that they may have a lot of cloths to wash so that to make sure they don't get it confuse they attach that... It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, does it?

And then he went on and on talking but at that time I realized that it was just a waste of time to try to explain them that not the whole world acts, looks and thinks like America.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Sunday's Phone Call

It's already 9PM and Sunday its gone. Didn't do shit today. Went to the sun tan saloon twice to find out that they're close for reparations (the second time of course); went to Barnes&Nobles to read (I always read all the magazines but only buy coffee) and end up buying a magazine called "The Writer" full of silly stuff for those who want to write (of course, could you imagine a magazine call "the writer", for those who enjoy fishing, Nascar and Hooters?!). In the afternoon I went running and then I took a nap.

And I have confess it ladies and gentleman of the jury, I've been siting in front of my laptop for the last hour or so browsing Blogs. I know, in the eyes of many, those who care more about other people's lives that their own, this could be considered as a "waste of time"; but how can I kill time when I don't want to do the things that I have to do? How aboutchecking out other people's creative way of wasting time? Isn't that creative in itself?

The truth is that today -yes, today and not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow- I have to make a phone call and offer my condolences to some relatives. My grandfather's brother passed away one week ago and I've been postponing this call everyday, up till now. That's why I've been wondering around town and around the web today trying to find a excuse or tryind hard to forget it because I don't want to do it.

Life is made of small details, and my phone call is one of those.

Friday, August 06, 2004

I used to miss her

I turned a corner in my feelings towards her. It happen sometime last month.

Ever since I saw her for the last time back in February, I had been e-mailing her like crazy. Trying to engage her to write me back and to tell me about her live. She replyes immediately but very short; sometimes few lines with a small note or comment on my message. I wrote to her looong e-mails about this and that, and she would reply to me just few lines. I even tried to stop writing to her for few days but I couldn't, I was week I guess. I always opened my e-mail expecting to see a message from her. It rarely happen. Even though is stupid to think that we will be together, I always wanted her to tell me something sweet, a little flirt that would have made my day. Nothing.

Finally a couple weeks ago, out of the blue I got a message from her, telling me what I had wanted to hear for so many months. She said that she misses my loooong e-mails, that they always make her happy; she also said that she misses my voice and that it would be awesome if I could call her. She also said that she misses me.

Somehow I didn't feel joy or anything like that with this message. It was nice to get a message from her out of the blue just to say that she misses me. Although I believe time and space have taken a toll on our relationship and on my feelings towards her. And there has been definitely a turning point in my feelings in the past few weeks.

If I can recall well, in early June I tried to call her several times because I was missing her so much, but I couldn't reach her. She sent me an e-mail saying that she got my messages and that she was dating someone. That was like a kick in the nuts for me. I didn't tell her anything about it, I didn't ask her anything about it and I haven't mention it to her ever since. She got the message and she hasn't said anything about it.

She called me for my birthday... it was nice. Actually it didn't surprise me that my heart rate didn't increase a single bit when I heard her voice on the other side of the line. We chat for a while; I told her a couple of my stories, she did the same and it was it. We laugh of course and I enjoyed knowing that she's all right, but that emptyness that I once felt when I didn't have her by my side has been filled.

The sad thing is that that very same emptyness in my heart have not been filled with someone else, but with that substance that only time and separation can dump in our hearts.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Lasagna!

I have a part-time job in a dining room, it helps me pay the bills and from there I get my daily dosis of laughs and frustrations. We usually work from 10AM to 3PM. Very easy job, not much hassle and the money is all right. One of the things that pisses me off sometimes is the fucking chef that we have. Being completely honest I have to say that when it comes to food that bastard kicks ass. His food not only tastes very good, but the presentations of the plates and desserts and shit is really good. You eat both with your eyes and your mouth -well, I should say our guests because that rat barely feeds us.

The dining room is everything but a "for profit" company. We cater only to the top executives of a VERY large company, high in the Fortune 500 list, so our pool of clients is very limited, therefore this company covers those rivers of red ink that we have month after month. The thing here is that the chef feeds us shit most of the time. He prefers to feed the damn trash can before feeding us (servers and managers), and if someone mentions something about it this dog just erupts like the Vesubio.

He's on vacations for the week, and the "second in command" is taking his place. You should think that with the cat gone the rats will party... well, completely the opposite. This guy has been feeding us even worst than chef has done -hard to believe but true. On Monday he prepared a Lasagna that was as dry as a fucking saltin cracker, awful. So we joke that everybody had to take a very fucking big piece, eat as much as they wanted to and throw away the rest, in order to finish off the lasagna otherwise we will be eating that baby for the rest of the week. Could you guess what was on the window Tuesday? The same fucking lasagna. As I'm off Wednesday and Thursday I joke with everybody that they can put out the lasagna those two days for everybody to eat, but that on Friday if I see some of it, I could start stabbing people to right and left.

My manager just call me today (Wednesday) and asked me if I could work tomorrow because there's a lot of shit to do; of course I said that I was going to help'em out: "But this is going to cost you more than my regular hourly rate" I told him. And you know what this mother fucker reply to me? "Not a problem brother, I'm planning to pay you with LASAGNA..."

As we always say in the dining room: "We might not make much money up here, but do we have loads of fun or what?!"

Sunday, August 01, 2004

E-mail to my ex-girlfriend

Note: I had a girlfriend once. Pretty nice, pretty cool and pretty. We were together for a year but our roads went separate ways; we tried to hold on to it but when you are in your early twenties you just can't be miles apart. It's been several years since the last time we saw each other. We barely write to each other -maybe for christmas. My birthday was july 30th and for my surprise she sent me a little e-card, really caught me off guard. That was a very sweet thing.

Below is the e-mail I wrote to her the next morning. I liked it and I think it has a lot sentiment in it. I just tell her very briefly about my life up to this point, very simple. I wanted to tell her more, perhaps that I miss her; that sometimes I think about her and her whereabouts. I attached a very cute picture when I was a little boy, maybe 6 years old. Anyway, here is the e-mail. What do you think?

Hi R,

Thanks for your e-card, it was very sweet of you writing for my birthday. Yeah, one more year or should I say one less...

How's life treating you these days? As for me I can't complain. I'm still living in the US in the same city -Charlotte in North Carolina. I've just finished school and graduation is due next weekend (Aug. 7th), I did a master's degree in business administration or MBA. My plans are to stay here in the US if possible, so as you may imagine I'm looking for a job. Don't you just love that? Printing out Resumes, calling people, sending e-mails, faxes, letters, etc. and then just wait for somebody to reply at some point. In the interviews that I've had, people always ask me about China: How did you get over there? How was it? And when I try to explain to these "ethnocentric" americans that it was one of the best parts of my life from which I keep great memories they look at me like "Dude, you're twisted!"

Early this year I went snow skiing in the North Carolina mountains and now I love it! I can't believe I didn't try it before. Up to that point I always thought tennis was the ultimate sport, but now, tennis sucks! Even though at the begining of the day I didn't know anything about it, by late afternoon I can say that I was an expert; going down as fast as I could and even trying to jump -that last part didn't work very well though. This year when I come back I'm going to try snowboard. For the rest my life here in the US is pretty "normal". Hanging out with friends, going out to the local bars and "discos" but not that often and believe it or not I've practicing sports a lot lately; I even join a gym and as a matter of fact I enjoy it, can you believe it? I know back in the "Beijing days" when we met, the only sport I practiced was ridding my bike to Sanlitun to have some beers or to the internet cafe. I like to think that time makes you change for the better.

Even though Charlotte is a nice city, quiet and clean I would love to move to a larger city, well, a real city as a consider Charlotte a big town. I like when there's a lot of things going on, people on the streets, subway, traffic, rush. Here I don't have to honk to someone cutting in front of me, but I honk everyday to those driving sooooooooooooooooo slow like if they were driving a tourist bus. I would like to go to NY or Boston, perhaps SanFrancisco or LA. However for the time being I believe if I stay in the US I'll be in Charlotte for a while. That's a quick up date of my life, just have to add that I'm still single and don't see any wedding plans on the horizon.

I just realize this message is getting a bit loooong. Well R, I just want to thank you again for your message it was very sweet of you. I'll be thrilled to hear about you and your whereabouts, throw me few lines whenever you get a chance.

bisous,

JOSE

PS. Just to make sure that you know that I haven't change a bit since the last time we saw each other, I'm attaching a picture that -believe it or not- wasn't taken that long ago...