I used to miss her
I turned a corner in my feelings towards her. It happen sometime last month.
Ever since I saw her for the last time back in February, I had been e-mailing her like crazy. Trying to engage her to write me back and to tell me about her live. She replyes immediately but very short; sometimes few lines with a small note or comment on my message. I wrote to her looong e-mails about this and that, and she would reply to me just few lines. I even tried to stop writing to her for few days but I couldn't, I was week I guess. I always opened my e-mail expecting to see a message from her. It rarely happen. Even though is stupid to think that we will be together, I always wanted her to tell me something sweet, a little flirt that would have made my day. Nothing.
Finally a couple weeks ago, out of the blue I got a message from her, telling me what I had wanted to hear for so many months. She said that she misses my loooong e-mails, that they always make her happy; she also said that she misses my voice and that it would be awesome if I could call her. She also said that she misses me.
Somehow I didn't feel joy or anything like that with this message. It was nice to get a message from her out of the blue just to say that she misses me. Although I believe time and space have taken a toll on our relationship and on my feelings towards her. And there has been definitely a turning point in my feelings in the past few weeks.
If I can recall well, in early June I tried to call her several times because I was missing her so much, but I couldn't reach her. She sent me an e-mail saying that she got my messages and that she was dating someone. That was like a kick in the nuts for me. I didn't tell her anything about it, I didn't ask her anything about it and I haven't mention it to her ever since. She got the message and she hasn't said anything about it.
She called me for my birthday... it was nice. Actually it didn't surprise me that my heart rate didn't increase a single bit when I heard her voice on the other side of the line. We chat for a while; I told her a couple of my stories, she did the same and it was it. We laugh of course and I enjoyed knowing that she's all right, but that emptyness that I once felt when I didn't have her by my side has been filled.
The sad thing is that that very same emptyness in my heart have not been filled with someone else, but with that substance that only time and separation can dump in our hearts.
Ever since I saw her for the last time back in February, I had been e-mailing her like crazy. Trying to engage her to write me back and to tell me about her live. She replyes immediately but very short; sometimes few lines with a small note or comment on my message. I wrote to her looong e-mails about this and that, and she would reply to me just few lines. I even tried to stop writing to her for few days but I couldn't, I was week I guess. I always opened my e-mail expecting to see a message from her. It rarely happen. Even though is stupid to think that we will be together, I always wanted her to tell me something sweet, a little flirt that would have made my day. Nothing.
Finally a couple weeks ago, out of the blue I got a message from her, telling me what I had wanted to hear for so many months. She said that she misses my loooong e-mails, that they always make her happy; she also said that she misses my voice and that it would be awesome if I could call her. She also said that she misses me.
Somehow I didn't feel joy or anything like that with this message. It was nice to get a message from her out of the blue just to say that she misses me. Although I believe time and space have taken a toll on our relationship and on my feelings towards her. And there has been definitely a turning point in my feelings in the past few weeks.
If I can recall well, in early June I tried to call her several times because I was missing her so much, but I couldn't reach her. She sent me an e-mail saying that she got my messages and that she was dating someone. That was like a kick in the nuts for me. I didn't tell her anything about it, I didn't ask her anything about it and I haven't mention it to her ever since. She got the message and she hasn't said anything about it.
She called me for my birthday... it was nice. Actually it didn't surprise me that my heart rate didn't increase a single bit when I heard her voice on the other side of the line. We chat for a while; I told her a couple of my stories, she did the same and it was it. We laugh of course and I enjoyed knowing that she's all right, but that emptyness that I once felt when I didn't have her by my side has been filled.
The sad thing is that that very same emptyness in my heart have not been filled with someone else, but with that substance that only time and separation can dump in our hearts.
Jean-Francois was drunk at 9:35 PM
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