Spring!
Ahhh, isn't Spring just the most wonderful time of the year? It is, and I just love it!
What is not to love about Spring? After several months of cold weather, dead vegetation, fewer animals roaming the great wilderness due to hibernation; after having to pay a higher energy bill in order to keep warm at night (and at day and afternoon and evening); after months wearing layers and layers of sweaters, jackets, scarves and the alike; after having to drive on snow trying not to hit the next light post and to get to work on time; after having to work out indoors for almost an eternity -if were're brave enough to actually venture out and work out; after a fortune spent in dry cleaning for all those expensive cashmere sweaters that w'all own; after not being able to see the sun all the way up in a clear blue sky but always close to the horizon; after frickking months being unable to copulate in the great outdoors and sweat like horses while doing it; after not being able to roll down your car's rag top and after cursing every morning for how cold the steering wheel feels even with gloves; and after complaining and vowing that next time you'll be moving to more warmer lands. . . we finally have Spring here in its full swing!
Ahhh thanks Lord for all that green and all that vegetation! Isn't nature just the most wonderful thing out there second only to sex, alcohol and coffee? Aren't all those flowers that pop up during this time of the year just a blessing and a concert for the eyes? All those little birds that were hidden or flying only the necessary in order to get their necessary food only to come back to cuddle trying to escape the cold are now out singing and flying around with their brand new girlfriends making life around us beautiful. Even the Mexicans that come and mow the lawn look so cool and nice and sincere and hard working and the noise from their machines is just a reminder of the great country we live in. I would even venture to say that that dumb ass that we have for president even looks smart, because I just love Spring as much as I love sarcasm.
Yes. . . as much as I love sarcasm my friends.
And as much as I love being sarcastic, I love making fun of the things that I plainly detest. And if sneezing three hundred times a minute and having watery eyes and itchy nose is not enough to curse every single flower out there, how about having to put back in the closet all the sweaters and jackets that I so happily wore for the last few months and get out my flip flops and shorts so that I can walk faster from the air conditioning of my car to the air conditioning of the grocery store and back to the air conditioning of my car back to the air conditioning of my place. And from Monday through Friday I go from the air conditioning of my place, to my car's cool air and then to my offices super-delicious 68F that takes me back to those wonderful winter days that I oh-love-so-much!
And is not that today I had to start drugging my self again in order to reduce my misery to a more tolerant level of "sneezing a lot" but not like crazy that had left me bitter; and is not just that I forgot my insurance card and had to end up paying the full $112 for my little orange-yellowish prescription bottle that will last until the sun is high up in the clear blue sky and everything around us will start melting due to that motherfucking heat that always comes hand in hand with Summer. And before that source of skin cancer starts to get lower and lower in the horizon I still have to burn my left arm a couple of times while the right one is still milk-white (for you slow people who didn't get it, the left arm is close to the car window and therefore exposed to much more sun than the right one, therefore the crimson burn).
And I really don't want to give the impression to anyone that I'm bitter or that I dislike this time of the year commonly referred to as "Spring": oh, no my friends, I want to make it perfectly clear that I detest all this shit that nature has to go through and that the only thing that keeps me going -besides a trip to Savannah in the next few weeks-, is the idea that after all this shitty heat has passed there'll always be Autumn followed by that beautiful time of the year called Winter! Yes, Autumn y'all out there, and hell yeah, Winter for you Neanderthals with a Hummer parked on your garage. Once this heat is gone, there'll be no more allergies, no more birds shitting on my car, no more Mexicans waking me up with their tree leaves blowers, no more sunburns, and no more over priced drugs to keep me from sneezing.
But seriously, don't you feel that this is just the perfect timing for another ice age?
What is not to love about Spring? After several months of cold weather, dead vegetation, fewer animals roaming the great wilderness due to hibernation; after having to pay a higher energy bill in order to keep warm at night (and at day and afternoon and evening); after months wearing layers and layers of sweaters, jackets, scarves and the alike; after having to drive on snow trying not to hit the next light post and to get to work on time; after having to work out indoors for almost an eternity -if were're brave enough to actually venture out and work out; after a fortune spent in dry cleaning for all those expensive cashmere sweaters that w'all own; after not being able to see the sun all the way up in a clear blue sky but always close to the horizon; after frickking months being unable to copulate in the great outdoors and sweat like horses while doing it; after not being able to roll down your car's rag top and after cursing every morning for how cold the steering wheel feels even with gloves; and after complaining and vowing that next time you'll be moving to more warmer lands. . . we finally have Spring here in its full swing!Ahhh thanks Lord for all that green and all that vegetation! Isn't nature just the most wonderful thing out there second only to sex, alcohol and coffee? Aren't all those flowers that pop up during this time of the year just a blessing and a concert for the eyes? All those little birds that were hidden or flying only the necessary in order to get their necessary food only to come back to cuddle trying to escape the cold are now out singing and flying around with their brand new girlfriends making life around us beautiful. Even the Mexicans that come and mow the lawn look so cool and nice and sincere and hard working and the noise from their machines is just a reminder of the great country we live in. I would even venture to say that that dumb ass that we have for president even looks smart, because I just love Spring as much as I love sarcasm.
Yes. . . as much as I love sarcasm my friends.
And as much as I love being sarcastic, I love making fun of the things that I plainly detest. And if sneezing three hundred times a minute and having watery eyes and itchy nose is not enough to curse every single flower out there, how about having to put back in the closet all the sweaters and jackets that I so happily wore for the last few months and get out my flip flops and shorts so that I can walk faster from the air conditioning of my car to the air conditioning of the grocery store and back to the air conditioning of my car back to the air conditioning of my place. And from Monday through Friday I go from the air conditioning of my place, to my car's cool air and then to my offices super-delicious 68F that takes me back to those wonderful winter days that I oh-love-so-much!
And is not that today I had to start drugging my self again in order to reduce my misery to a more tolerant level of "sneezing a lot" but not like crazy that had left me bitter; and is not just that I forgot my insurance card and had to end up paying the full $112 for my little orange-yellowish prescription bottle that will last until the sun is high up in the clear blue sky and everything around us will start melting due to that motherfucking heat that always comes hand in hand with Summer. And before that source of skin cancer starts to get lower and lower in the horizon I still have to burn my left arm a couple of times while the right one is still milk-white (for you slow people who didn't get it, the left arm is close to the car window and therefore exposed to much more sun than the right one, therefore the crimson burn).
And I really don't want to give the impression to anyone that I'm bitter or that I dislike this time of the year commonly referred to as "Spring": oh, no my friends, I want to make it perfectly clear that I detest all this shit that nature has to go through and that the only thing that keeps me going -besides a trip to Savannah in the next few weeks-, is the idea that after all this shitty heat has passed there'll always be Autumn followed by that beautiful time of the year called Winter! Yes, Autumn y'all out there, and hell yeah, Winter for you Neanderthals with a Hummer parked on your garage. Once this heat is gone, there'll be no more allergies, no more birds shitting on my car, no more Mexicans waking me up with their tree leaves blowers, no more sunburns, and no more over priced drugs to keep me from sneezing.
But seriously, don't you feel that this is just the perfect timing for another ice age?
Jean-Francois was drunk at 5:32 PM
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