Bad Kitties

Who said that Charlotte, NC is not an exiting place to be? Who could be so un-patriotic as to say that there's no excitement and thrill in CLT's daily life?

It was me. And I was fucking right.

But once in a while something comes to this town that blows the hats off every gentleman and lift the long skirts or all women and there's non-stop talk and gossip about it. Back in the days it was the Panther's football players: they were getting DUI's on weekly bases, being thrown in and out of jail more often than they took showers and even one of them end up hiring someone to 'take out' his girlfriend; no shit my friends, those were the golden years around here. In the meantime everybody else was still praying the Lord and donating heavily to their own mega churches to buy salvation before it was too late.


But those times were left behind and the excitement worn off; even the Panthers made it all the the way to the Super Bowl and this little hole in the wall town with skyscrapers went crazy. Even Jean-Francois was caught in the whole frenziness and he end up yelling in front of the TV for the local team to bring the trophy home! And he did it because it was common wisdom around the water cooler that it was one shot in a lifetime for this corner of the world country to go and to actually win the Super Tazón.

And who would think that this time the excitement would return hand in hand with a wonderful cold weather?! And let me just say that w'all just can't get enough of the latest scandal to hit the Queen City, as people like to refer to CLT. And the excitement has hit even the front page of the BBC! Very smartly, they included a map in order to show where the fuck on this planet that little dream city filled with mega churches, SUVs, eateries and shopping malls is located at. You just have to love the BBC for picking up quality material.

The news broke out locally on November 7 on the B section of the "Charlotte Disturber", our local rag [I apologize for not mentioning anything before]. Two of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested down in Tampa after a fight in a night club's bathroom. But if that is juicy enough, let me quote straight from the newspaper of this Red State what happened:

Witnesses told police the two cheerleaders were engaged in sexual activity in
the bathroom stall. Other customers got angry and started yelling, "because they
took too long" in the stall.

I am kidding you not, you can read it for yourself [do it] as I scanned the article just for you, my loyal readers [here and here]. Then, when the girls emerged from the bathroom stall after some luving, the other fat ass customers that were waiting in line in order to empty their intestines after a big dinner, must've said something to this two Topcats and a frikking cat fight erupted. The first article doesn't say anything about whether the ladies that were knocking on the door finally used the stall or not, a mystery still unresolved, but an exchange of jabs and uppercuts left one woman with a black eye.

Then, the next day [November 8] the story was moved to the front page of the newspaper and this little town went crazy. In the nine-year history of the internet edition, that was the the third most e-mailed story; and the web page of the Carolina Panthers that contains the profiles and pictures of the cheerleaders had to be shut down due to the amount of hits it received. That was certainly a "Monday morning with little work done", as the paper said.

Still today, after almost two weeks people would arrive at the water cooler panting and catching their breath with the latest news: someone saw one of the cheerleaders at the mall sporting big sunglasses and acting weird; the dealer of one of the girls emerged somewhere and is asking money for some detailed information about his clients; even the security guard in our office building said that he saw a video á la Paris Hilton between the two cheerleaders, and that for two hundred bucks it can also be yours; the CEO of the company even venture to say that they were not alone but were making out with two other players in the bathroom stall, but they're taking the bullet in order to save the team. . . In other words: you name it, and people have already thought about it in this conservative state.

The PR people from Topcats and the Panthers have been stonewalling and have avoided mentioning anything; but w'all know that calm waters are deep, and sooner or later all the juice of this story will pour out for us all, Charlotteans, to get all the hard facts -I mean, just for the sake of setting the record straight of course and avoiding any missunderinterpretations.