[tpi] [tphi] [tbi]

So there's three issues that are revolving in my mind these days; actually four, but the fourth one is not an issue, is more on the side of a plan, or an objective, or maybe just something that is just hanging in the air and that may or may not come to life. Anyway, the fourth is not an issue, so let's just say that there's three issues today.

The first one, is the first one. It just can't be the second one or the third one because the other two depend on the first one, therefore, it is listed as first. It is very important shit and it was my rational decision to make it an issue. It was my actions, some might say that it was my lack of action, but it was a decision taken under moderate levels of stress and that at that time, and even today looks like the best course of action. Someone without insight would say that I'm just a crackhead for doing it, but once again, insight is the key for the understanding of this first issue.

So the first issue is a reality, a fact in my life and I keep thinking about every single fucking day, from dawn to dusk, while brushing my teeth and when drinking my morning coffee; when the vodka and redbull makes it to my head I don't think about it, but is there, always there, like my red hair, there. I could become a dark haired dude or white haired or blue haired, but however it looks on the outside, I know how it really looks like. Up to this point there's only one thing that can be done about this very first issue, that's crystal clear, perhaps is the clearest thought that crosses my mind these days, but still is not as easy as it sounds. There's only one solution, eventually there might be two or three, actually just two, the original one and another one, which would be nice to have the opportunity to choose; but the fact of the matter, and with both feet on the ground I'd say that there's only one solution to that issue. Not a little issue, but an issue. Actually is a very big issue, fuck, bigger than life some would say, but let's be honest, is a big issue but is not larger than life, not larger than my little life at least.

I'm going to call this The Password Issue. Such a clever name my friends.

Then comes the second issue on the list. This is an issue that is not larger than life but that reflects my life at this point. Is an issue that I've been trying to delay and to postpone any action on it, because is a very hot issue, and I'm afraid I might not have the correct answers for it. Is an issue that I've been able to postpone for quite a long time, but the longer I wait, the more painful it becomes. The good thing is that I've succeed putting it aside for quite a long time; but the bad thing about it is that I've succeeded putting aside for quite a long time. This issue runs deeper than the first issue and it has, again, more connotations, faces, implications, sides and shit that the first issue. Actually if I take care of this second issue, the first one may become irrelevant, but actually that's a long story, and is not a pretty one. Actually is very interesting and one day it might give me a ton of raw material to write about, but until then let just keep it under the surface. Even though this is a very important issue, perhaps more important than the first issue, I've decided to listed second because it depends on the outcome of the first issue for the time being.

The only little thing that I'm going to say is that the lack of, actually I'm not going to say anything else because then the gates of the dam may open and it'd flow everything. It really won't flow shit, but the first step in any successful recovery is always to be aware of the issue at stake. This second issue sits at the heart of the question matter. And this issue is just a mirror of who I am today, a mirror of myself. OK, enough with this second issue, I guess I've made my point.

I'm struggling how to name this second issue, the name that I choose for the first one was very clever indeed, but I can't find one like that for the numero dos issue. Hmmmmmmmm Well, is a very broad issue, but for the tone of this reflection I'm going to narrow it down. Let me talk about the third issue for a while before I can come up with a name for the second and the third issue.

The third issue is an issue for me. Most people, actually all the people I've talked about his issue just laugh at me and say that I'm just fucking out of my mind, that I'm completely wrong, that I just have to look at the light of the day to realize that I'm just talking non sense. I know they're right, that is not an issue and the truth of the matter is that I know, based on my very own experience that it is not an issue for me, but it is an issue for me, what can I say?! Some people would love to be able to have the qualities it takes to approach that issue the way I do it -if is possible to keep this part in code-, but the truth of the matter, again, is that it is an issue.

And that's why I consider the butcher situation such a great thing. That's a situation I ran into and that allowed me to open my eyes to this issue, maybe I didn't quite open both eyes to this issue but I opened one a little bit and it was enough to see what I had to see. That situation wasn't the best situation ever and things didn't go as planned and the objectives weren't met, even though those objectives were very fucking easy to meet my friends, but weren't met. Not all of them, but some of them were met and my friends if I keep taping I may not be able to keep this post under the radar. Let me just add to this whole butcher situation that from the very beginning I kind of knew that whether the objectives were met or not, it was the kind of deal that can be interpreted as "now or never".

Furthermore, this third issue sits at the heart of the matter and can go hand in hand with the motivations of issue number two. In other words, issues two and three are different, completely different and are not linked, maybe the third issue is not even linked with The Password Issue [issue number one] but if issue number two is taken in its broad sense, and not in the narrow approach that I'm using for this post, then I could argue that both issues are joined by the hip. But for practical matters, issues two and three are separate and have no relationship whatsoever.

I could even venture and say that if issue number three is taking good care of, the first issue would disappear and perhaps, maybe, eventually, issue number two would fall in place. Am I fucking smart or what?!

So issue number one is going to be referred as The Password Issue; issue number three is going to be referred as The Butcher Issue, even though it contains "the butcher situation" the truth of the matter is that butcher is such a clever fucking code name for the third issue. But I'm still struggling on how to name issue number two. . .

I got it! Issue number two is going to be referred to as The PH Issue. That's all I can say about it, one more word and you'll have to join the Witness Protection Program. . .