To be Killed by a Mockingbird

When I was seven years old I was attacked and bitten my a dog, ending up with eleven steeches in my lower back, six on my left leg and four in my arm. I'd been chased by other dogs and cats throughout my life and even by a crazy horse once. One new year's day a beggar in South America chased me and my friends down with a machete because we refused to give him money for his drugs. My mom chased me countless times with a flip flop, belt, ruler or just her open palm trying to spank my milky-white ass. My dad chased me down with a Victorinox knife one time after I did something I should've not done I guess. A pick pocket chased me down one time with a knife and even stabbed a friend of mine in the arm. On my senior year I was part of a fundraiser that involved a bullfight and a (small) bull chased me down few times that afternoon hitting me in my ass, side and shoulder. Even a crazy-o-girlfriend I once had chased me down with a brick in her hand yelling that she was going to kill me. I've been chased down by teachers, police officers, friends, foes, enemies, night club guards, drunkards, etc., etc., etc.

But never by a mockingbird. Until today.

I went to a friend's to drop off some stuff and as I was jumping out of my car this crazy bird came down on me only to go back up to a tree. I thought that it was maybe a bug or something beside me and started to walk towards the front door. The damn Mockingbird came down on me twice and even when I made it to the door that fucking bird tried to attack me once more. When my friend's wife opened the door she was like "Did the Mockingbird attack you?" She told me that throughout the week those birds have been like crazy attacking whoever comes into the house. Even the plumber who went earlier today was attacked and actually bitten on his bald head.

I felt like in Hitchcok's "The Birds"

I remember watching that movie when I was a kid and it was kind of scary, but I have to confess it, that Mockingbird freaked me out today! Could you imagine having like a hundred of those coming down on you like in the movie? I'd faint right away. They can eat me right there or take me to their nest and have me for dessert (such a sweet guy like Jean-Francois) or whatever the hell they want; I'd be lying cold dead on the floor before I can realize what the fuck happened. I swear!