I Spoke with GOD this morning
Jean-Francois: Hi God
God: Nice to see you, how's it going?
J-F: Good it seems to be like ages since the last time I saw you
God: Ages. . . what you talking about? It seems like yesterday to me.
J-F: Haha, you silly. You look very nice God, you got a hair cut didn't you? I like it.
God: Yeah, but just a little bit. I kind of like like it this way.
J-F: I've always wondered why you've never told all people in earth that you're a beautiful young and cool girl and not an old-ass dude up in the clouds?
God: Oh , you and your compliments Jean-Fran. . .
J-F: Seriously. Over there everybody refers to you as "he" and sometimes as "the Lord" and even as the "King of Kings" and all that bullshit
God: I know. . . But a lot of very special people there know that I'm a woman. . .
J-F: A beautiful girl I should say.
God: Com'on, I'm not that young anymore you silly.
J-F: You're like wine; you get. . .
God: Get better with the years?
J-F: Yes.
God: Ha, ha, ha. I guess it was a good thing your parents end up raising you in South America after all, you little flirtious Latino.
J-F: Ha, Ha, Ha. I'm not flirting, you know how I am when I'm in love. Compliments just pour out of me in all directions and I just can't help it. And you know how much I love you, you sexy thing.
God: I thought you were in love with Stephanie. . .
J-F: Ah, Steffi. I was and I guess I'm still in love.
God: You lover boy!
J-F: Hey wait a minute! What do you know about Steffi?!
God: A couple of things. . .
J-F: God! What do you know?!
God: . . .
J-F: I should've known that it was you pulling strings behind the scenes! You know you fucked me up, you made me go out of my way and reach for the stars only to end up with my poor little heart in hundreds of pieces. And lonely.
God: I didn't pull the stri. . . ok, I did but just a little bit.
J-F: You dirty rat!
God: No listen to me. She was doing her life and you were doing yours and as far as I knew your lives were not going meet, but I knew she was the type of girl that once you get to know, you'll like.
J-F: You mean I'll fall head over feet for her.
God: She was planning in taking that continuing education class as well as you were, but her host mom, that crazy bitch was not going to let her go because she just likes saying no to Steffi and giving her a hard time. Even Steffi was kind of not knowing whether to ask her or not, but at the end she did ask her and I whispered in her host mom's ear "yes!" and it was a done deal.
J-F: . . .
God: Don't look at me like that Jean-Francois. You know that I can do quite a lot of things to influence events on earth, to make shit happen, to move mountains and cause winds, to create new species and to make the sun rise every morning, I could even snap my fingers and get rid of all the crap that is going on on earth and go back to the drawing board if I wanted to, but the one and only thing that just can't do is to make someone love someone else. I just fucking can't! Love was a little virus that got inside all species on earth and it even got into my system, can you believe it?!. I can't predict it and is just fucking impossible for me to control it.
J-F: Are you serious?
God: Hell yeah! But I'm glad it turn out to be this way. The purest and craziest feeling of them all, and as a matter of fact, love contains in itself all the possible feelings you guys have developed over the years. Like an "all in one" type of deal.
J-F: I hear you.
God: To be honest with you Jean-Francois I sent Steffi into your life. I did a little arm twisting, fucked up some traffic lights, gave a couple people an urgent necessity to go and take a pee and sat her right beside you in your first class.
J-F: I kind of knew it, to be honest with you. . .
God: Steffi is such a nice girl. She's perhaps one of the most truthful and authentic girls to walk on the face of the planet these days. She's not only the type of girl that you like physically -tall, thin, blonde, bright smile, long legs, big boobs and so on- but I knew her personality was gona drive you nuts. Her sweetness, all the stories that she has, and just how cool, funny, goofy and truly herself she is. If I could put people together, you and Steffi will be in my top five for sure.
J-F: Ha, ha.
God: But I didn't send Steffi into your life so that you guys could hook up and be boyfriend and girlfriend and love each other and make love like if it was the fucking end of the world. Jean-Francois, Steffi was going back to Europe and it was a fucking fact, I could've given you a snow storm right in the middle of summer in order to delay her flight back home and to keep her by your side, but sooner or later she was going back to her life. If you're broken hearted now, could you imagine how would you be if you guys had fallen in love for each other? Knowing you I bet you'll be right now in the middle of the Atlantic swimming to see her, you hot blooded and passionate Latin lover. . .
J-F: Amen, sister. . .
God: Steffi gave you much more than those sweet kisses; she allowed you to understand yourself better. Through Steffi you got to know how driven and authentic you become when you fall in love; now you know that when it comes to expressing your feelings you just can't make a fool of yourself; she taught you a big fucking lesson on how it is to be on the other side of a crush and not to walk away from the person that opens her heart to you -unlike a certain Latino with French name that I know did it quite a few times before. She showed you that you have to be truthful to your feelings and to be honest to those around you; she allowed you to realize the difference between a truly cool girl and those sleazy girls you'd been hooking up with lately. This is one of those moments when you have to apply that mojo of yours that you "have to make the best out of every situation", my sweet Jean-Fran.
J-F: I love when you call me like that.
God: Sweet Jean-Fran?
J-F: My. . .
God: My sweet Jean-Fran?
J-F: Love it.
God: Awww my very sweet Jean-Fran. Did I ever told you how crazy in love I am with you?
J-F: I'm madly in love with you too. God, I don't want to go back over there, why can't I just stay here with you for ever and we can wake up every morning together and. . .
God: Stop it.
J-F: I know my sweet little devil. . .
God: You sweet pervert!
J-F: You made me that way and besides showing up with that little white bikini top, your long blonde hair, those tight shorts, your flip flops and. . .
God: Hey, I was chilling by the swimming pool!
J-F: Still you're beautiful my very cute goddess.
God: Ooops!
J-F: What's up?
God: You weren't planning to go to the office to day, were you?
J-F: Hell no! My boss is out of town as well as his boss and his boss's boss, so I'm planning to sleep until around noon and then maybe I'll show up for some gossip around the water cooler later today.
God: I'm sorry to tell you that your downstairs neighbor is on her way up to ask for a cup of sugar.
J-F: You are fucking kidding me! Is not even fucking 7 AM, what the hell is wrong with her?!
God: I think she wants you. . .
J-F: She's fucking 90 years old!
God: She's reaching for the door bell. . .
J-F: I'll be damn! Well, I guess is time to go back there, uh?
God: Mon petite Jean-Fran, tu me manque. I always enjoy seeing you and talking to you mon petite obsede.
J-F: I promis I'll stop by more often.
God: Quality instead of quantity, mon petite chaton.
J-F: Love you God. Was a very nice chat.
God: Give me a hug!
My downstairs neighbor: Good morning Jean-Francois I'm sorry to bother you, hope I didn't wake you up but could you please help me out with a cup of sugar I'm baking a little cake for James my cat, that you know he just found a new friend the other day is a little bird that he brought home and I think he ate it because I haven't seen it lately but that bird was in a tree next to that car that you remember a brach felt last winter after the snow storm and landed right beside this guy's car who had this girlfriend and that lives in the other building and said hi to me the other day and I thought that. . .
J-F: Say. . . you need some sugar, don't you? What a coincidence, I happen to have an unopen 1-lib bag of sugar under my arm, why don't you keep it and I'll talk to you later today, c-u bye.
God: Nice to see you, how's it going?
J-F: Good it seems to be like ages since the last time I saw you
God: Ages. . . what you talking about? It seems like yesterday to me.
J-F: Haha, you silly. You look very nice God, you got a hair cut didn't you? I like it.
God: Yeah, but just a little bit. I kind of like like it this way.
J-F: I've always wondered why you've never told all people in earth that you're a beautiful young and cool girl and not an old-ass dude up in the clouds?
God: Oh , you and your compliments Jean-Fran. . .
J-F: Seriously. Over there everybody refers to you as "he" and sometimes as "the Lord" and even as the "King of Kings" and all that bullshit
God: I know. . . But a lot of very special people there know that I'm a woman. . .
J-F: A beautiful girl I should say.
God: Com'on, I'm not that young anymore you silly.
J-F: You're like wine; you get. . .
God: Get better with the years?
J-F: Yes.
God: Ha, ha, ha. I guess it was a good thing your parents end up raising you in South America after all, you little flirtious Latino.
J-F: Ha, Ha, Ha. I'm not flirting, you know how I am when I'm in love. Compliments just pour out of me in all directions and I just can't help it. And you know how much I love you, you sexy thing.
God: I thought you were in love with Stephanie. . .
J-F: Ah, Steffi. I was and I guess I'm still in love.
God: You lover boy!
J-F: Hey wait a minute! What do you know about Steffi?!
God: A couple of things. . .
J-F: God! What do you know?!
God: . . .
J-F: I should've known that it was you pulling strings behind the scenes! You know you fucked me up, you made me go out of my way and reach for the stars only to end up with my poor little heart in hundreds of pieces. And lonely.
God: I didn't pull the stri. . . ok, I did but just a little bit.
J-F: You dirty rat!
God: No listen to me. She was doing her life and you were doing yours and as far as I knew your lives were not going meet, but I knew she was the type of girl that once you get to know, you'll like.
J-F: You mean I'll fall head over feet for her.
God: She was planning in taking that continuing education class as well as you were, but her host mom, that crazy bitch was not going to let her go because she just likes saying no to Steffi and giving her a hard time. Even Steffi was kind of not knowing whether to ask her or not, but at the end she did ask her and I whispered in her host mom's ear "yes!" and it was a done deal.
J-F: . . .
God: Don't look at me like that Jean-Francois. You know that I can do quite a lot of things to influence events on earth, to make shit happen, to move mountains and cause winds, to create new species and to make the sun rise every morning, I could even snap my fingers and get rid of all the crap that is going on on earth and go back to the drawing board if I wanted to, but the one and only thing that just can't do is to make someone love someone else. I just fucking can't! Love was a little virus that got inside all species on earth and it even got into my system, can you believe it?!. I can't predict it and is just fucking impossible for me to control it.
J-F: Are you serious?
God: Hell yeah! But I'm glad it turn out to be this way. The purest and craziest feeling of them all, and as a matter of fact, love contains in itself all the possible feelings you guys have developed over the years. Like an "all in one" type of deal.
J-F: I hear you.
God: To be honest with you Jean-Francois I sent Steffi into your life. I did a little arm twisting, fucked up some traffic lights, gave a couple people an urgent necessity to go and take a pee and sat her right beside you in your first class.
J-F: I kind of knew it, to be honest with you. . .
God: Steffi is such a nice girl. She's perhaps one of the most truthful and authentic girls to walk on the face of the planet these days. She's not only the type of girl that you like physically -tall, thin, blonde, bright smile, long legs, big boobs and so on- but I knew her personality was gona drive you nuts. Her sweetness, all the stories that she has, and just how cool, funny, goofy and truly herself she is. If I could put people together, you and Steffi will be in my top five for sure.
J-F: Ha, ha.
God: But I didn't send Steffi into your life so that you guys could hook up and be boyfriend and girlfriend and love each other and make love like if it was the fucking end of the world. Jean-Francois, Steffi was going back to Europe and it was a fucking fact, I could've given you a snow storm right in the middle of summer in order to delay her flight back home and to keep her by your side, but sooner or later she was going back to her life. If you're broken hearted now, could you imagine how would you be if you guys had fallen in love for each other? Knowing you I bet you'll be right now in the middle of the Atlantic swimming to see her, you hot blooded and passionate Latin lover. . .
J-F: Amen, sister. . .
God: Steffi gave you much more than those sweet kisses; she allowed you to understand yourself better. Through Steffi you got to know how driven and authentic you become when you fall in love; now you know that when it comes to expressing your feelings you just can't make a fool of yourself; she taught you a big fucking lesson on how it is to be on the other side of a crush and not to walk away from the person that opens her heart to you -unlike a certain Latino with French name that I know did it quite a few times before. She showed you that you have to be truthful to your feelings and to be honest to those around you; she allowed you to realize the difference between a truly cool girl and those sleazy girls you'd been hooking up with lately. This is one of those moments when you have to apply that mojo of yours that you "have to make the best out of every situation", my sweet Jean-Fran.
J-F: I love when you call me like that.
God: Sweet Jean-Fran?
J-F: My. . .
God: My sweet Jean-Fran?
J-F: Love it.
God: Awww my very sweet Jean-Fran. Did I ever told you how crazy in love I am with you?
J-F: I'm madly in love with you too. God, I don't want to go back over there, why can't I just stay here with you for ever and we can wake up every morning together and. . .
God: Stop it.
J-F: I know my sweet little devil. . .
God: You sweet pervert!
J-F: You made me that way and besides showing up with that little white bikini top, your long blonde hair, those tight shorts, your flip flops and. . .
God: Hey, I was chilling by the swimming pool!
J-F: Still you're beautiful my very cute goddess.
God: Ooops!
J-F: What's up?
God: You weren't planning to go to the office to day, were you?
J-F: Hell no! My boss is out of town as well as his boss and his boss's boss, so I'm planning to sleep until around noon and then maybe I'll show up for some gossip around the water cooler later today.
God: I'm sorry to tell you that your downstairs neighbor is on her way up to ask for a cup of sugar.
J-F: You are fucking kidding me! Is not even fucking 7 AM, what the hell is wrong with her?!
God: I think she wants you. . .
J-F: She's fucking 90 years old!
God: She's reaching for the door bell. . .
J-F: I'll be damn! Well, I guess is time to go back there, uh?
God: Mon petite Jean-Fran, tu me manque. I always enjoy seeing you and talking to you mon petite obsede.
J-F: I promis I'll stop by more often.
God: Quality instead of quantity, mon petite chaton.
J-F: Love you God. Was a very nice chat.
God: Give me a hug!
DING!-DONG!
My downstairs neighbor: Good morning Jean-Francois I'm sorry to bother you, hope I didn't wake you up but could you please help me out with a cup of sugar I'm baking a little cake for James my cat, that you know he just found a new friend the other day is a little bird that he brought home and I think he ate it because I haven't seen it lately but that bird was in a tree next to that car that you remember a brach felt last winter after the snow storm and landed right beside this guy's car who had this girlfriend and that lives in the other building and said hi to me the other day and I thought that. . .
J-F: Say. . . you need some sugar, don't you? What a coincidence, I happen to have an unopen 1-lib bag of sugar under my arm, why don't you keep it and I'll talk to you later today, c-u bye.
SLAM!
This is the sound of my front door being fucking shut.
Jean-Francois was drunk at 11:28 AM
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