Of Fun and Hell

I wrote yesterday that my friend's Stephan's wife was "funny as hell", and Janet asked me that wass up with that expression Jean-Francois; either explain yourself or go to hell dude! I then did a little thinking and I'll say it again: she's funny as hell!. Listen up.

I would start by saying that hell is where all sinners end up going to. All those people who doesn't honor their parents, doesn't love God above everything else; people that lie, commit adultery, who doesn't go to church on Sunday morning but instead go Rollerblading and so on, end up in hell. And according to the preachers here in the Bible belt where I'm stuck at, also all the strippers, prostitutes, liars, drunkards, homosexuals, people that smoke weed and think that Terry Shivago should just be putted to sleep once and for all, those pro-choice liberals, those people who doesn't read the Bible everyday and quote it even when they are talking about football, are also doomed.

Hell is where we all (I include myself, that's why I say "we") are going to hang out whenever our hearts stop pumping blood. We'll walk around with little horns and a tail, our skin kind of reddish -just like Jean-Francois after getting a sun bath- and we'll have a goat tee and a trident to play with. We'll live deep underground in a cave filled with flames and an orgy in every corner; there'll be graffiti all over the walls, broken windows in every house, people with missing teeth chasing others down the street with their tridents, murder and torture will be rampant -murder without death, 'cause we are already dead of course. We'll be sweating day in-day out, with no sun nor moon, no dawns and no beaches, no winter or fall, no blue sky or clean toilets. There'll be plenty of pills, weed, cocaine, hard liquor and stuff. Strip clubs, casinos and poker tables will sit right beside class rooms; intensive care rooms in hospitals will be filled with looted boxes of ammunition; traffic lights won't be working and there'll be no speed limit for roads, highways or sidewalks. There'll be a combination and a confusion of faces, races, gender, colors and intentions; there'll be no presumption of innocence as we all will be dead-guilty.

On the other hand there'll be Heaven. It will be like a big Hacienda up in the clouds, packed with white bread people with little wings like a Redbull add and a little harp in their pure hands. They'll be thinking about good things and best wishes all day, not being able to smoke some weed every now and then and of course getting laid is out of question. People in heaven with their little halos will be wishing good to everyone else, unable to feel shame, hate, resentment, envy, glut and lust. They'll have state-of-the-art dining rooms and amusement parks, they'll have skyscrapers where everybody would live on the top floor with "post card" like dawns and dusk. Beautiful blonde hair girls with perfect silicone boobs would be walking down the street with their girlfriends, heading for the treadmill and pilates class. Honey will come out of their breasts and they all will be virgins and pure as bottled water. There'll be no sweat and no hunger, no poverty and no bad breath, everything will be free and there'll plenty of everything -but sex of course. How fucking fun would that be? They couldn't even make fun of we "hell people"; they could just pray and hope the best for us with their perfectly white smiles.

Meanwhile we, "hell people", down where the flames are, will be filled with bad thoughts and shit having a blast. We could even make fun of those people up in the clouds with their little white outfits, which among everything else would be fun and funny as hell.

So yes, my friend's Stephan's wife is Funny as Hell - ah!

Cheers!