Standing in Line
I'm weak and I couldn't resist it. I know... I'm broke, friendless, loveless, sexless, even though I do have a job I can say that I'm jobless (have an MBA and work as a waiter, no further comments) and overall I'm hopeless at this time. But today, the day after Thanksgiving and after working from 6:30AM till 10:30AM I decided to do what a not-so-normal-man would do to feel better and I went shopping! I got me a nice shirt and a black v-neck pullover for the total price of $34.94 after all type of discounts and shit.
It was a good price but somehow I had plenty of time to think, while standing in line, whether now that I'm broke I should've bought it or not. I stood in line for like 15 minutes (or maybe was it 45?) and standing in line is one of the things that top my list of things that I don't like together with a root canal procedure and a visit from my Mom.
This lady and her daughter (the daughter was in her mid 40's, so figure out the "lady") were buying some stuff, and at the same time were returning something that they got online, plus they wanted to exchange something else and buy more shit buy the way. At that very same moment I avoided all the other 5 lines and I stood in that one. As it was taking so much time the woman in front of me took off to pay in another register while I waited there very paciently. And wait, and wait and wait. I do have patience but what this two were doing only God and the cashier knows; at some point the cashier was on the phone with I-don-know-who and the lady had to confirm like 15 different pieces of data about her in order to be able to return the item bought online, well, a lot of shit going on. I was just waiting for them to say to me "sorry..." as everybody here in the south does, and I had my answer ready for them: "Not a problem, I have the whole (fucking) day to wait for (a scum bag like) you two (and your shit)". But, they did say a word, maybe they just notice that I was going up like the Alka-Seltzer.
But finally the time came and the exchange/return went through, so they only had to buy a pair of jeans and a blanket. The cashier picks these two items and is in the brink of passing them through the scanner and suddenly the old lady says "you know what? I would prefer to have this blanket in black instead of pink. Could you run it with a different color?" Of course the cashiers yells at her, well, actually she says very polite, "NO, could you please grab the item you want?!".
Oh fuck! That was it for me. I took off for another register without saying a word. There's nothing more annoying than someone bitching in public. I, very seriously, turned around and moved to another register. I stood in line behind a woman with a car load full of shit; she saw me arrive with my two items and didn't ask me to go first, she just started unloading her car on the counter. Bitch!
And then, the girl from customer service seeing that such a drop dead gorgeous and handsome redhair was stading in line and that she was doing absolutely nothing, called me and asked me if I wanted to pay there. It took 25 seconds for her to scan my stuff and less than 5 seconds for me to pull out nervously my debit card that looked at me with those eyes that say to me "you know you're broke motherfucker and I'm going to screw you today... Even though you have a little cash in the bank, I'm going to say that there's no money in your account just to fuck with you" and swap it through the little machine attached to the cash register. Pressed the pin and wait... "Processing" could be read in the green screen of the fancy register. "Processing" in the touch-sensitive screen of the device where I swept my card. Processing and processing. I was starting to say to my self "Oh, shit!" for the fifth time when the transaction went through. Thanks God!
I took my shopping bag and believe it or not, those two ladies were still in the register were I stood earlier that day. The daughter kind of looked at me while I passed by on my way to the door from door, but I just turn to see something outside in order not to meet her eyes. As my car was parked right in front of the store, I rushed to turn it on so that they could see through the window glass that I even had time wait, move to another line, pay and take off before they could even finish their Guiness World Record transaction.
At the end I did felt better... not because I have a new shirt and a pull over that I don't need, but felt better due to the principle of pointing the finger at them and making sure they understood how fucking stupid they were. Oh God thanks for the ability of us, human beings, to spread animosity among our fellow Homo-Sapiens!
It was a good price but somehow I had plenty of time to think, while standing in line, whether now that I'm broke I should've bought it or not. I stood in line for like 15 minutes (or maybe was it 45?) and standing in line is one of the things that top my list of things that I don't like together with a root canal procedure and a visit from my Mom.
This lady and her daughter (the daughter was in her mid 40's, so figure out the "lady") were buying some stuff, and at the same time were returning something that they got online, plus they wanted to exchange something else and buy more shit buy the way. At that very same moment I avoided all the other 5 lines and I stood in that one. As it was taking so much time the woman in front of me took off to pay in another register while I waited there very paciently. And wait, and wait and wait. I do have patience but what this two were doing only God and the cashier knows; at some point the cashier was on the phone with I-don-know-who and the lady had to confirm like 15 different pieces of data about her in order to be able to return the item bought online, well, a lot of shit going on. I was just waiting for them to say to me "sorry..." as everybody here in the south does, and I had my answer ready for them: "Not a problem, I have the whole (fucking) day to wait for (a scum bag like) you two (and your shit)". But, they did say a word, maybe they just notice that I was going up like the Alka-Seltzer.
But finally the time came and the exchange/return went through, so they only had to buy a pair of jeans and a blanket. The cashier picks these two items and is in the brink of passing them through the scanner and suddenly the old lady says "you know what? I would prefer to have this blanket in black instead of pink. Could you run it with a different color?" Of course the cashiers yells at her, well, actually she says very polite, "NO, could you please grab the item you want?!".
Oh fuck! That was it for me. I took off for another register without saying a word. There's nothing more annoying than someone bitching in public. I, very seriously, turned around and moved to another register. I stood in line behind a woman with a car load full of shit; she saw me arrive with my two items and didn't ask me to go first, she just started unloading her car on the counter. Bitch!
And then, the girl from customer service seeing that such a drop dead gorgeous and handsome redhair was stading in line and that she was doing absolutely nothing, called me and asked me if I wanted to pay there. It took 25 seconds for her to scan my stuff and less than 5 seconds for me to pull out nervously my debit card that looked at me with those eyes that say to me "you know you're broke motherfucker and I'm going to screw you today... Even though you have a little cash in the bank, I'm going to say that there's no money in your account just to fuck with you" and swap it through the little machine attached to the cash register. Pressed the pin and wait... "Processing" could be read in the green screen of the fancy register. "Processing" in the touch-sensitive screen of the device where I swept my card. Processing and processing. I was starting to say to my self "Oh, shit!" for the fifth time when the transaction went through. Thanks God!
I took my shopping bag and believe it or not, those two ladies were still in the register were I stood earlier that day. The daughter kind of looked at me while I passed by on my way to the door from door, but I just turn to see something outside in order not to meet her eyes. As my car was parked right in front of the store, I rushed to turn it on so that they could see through the window glass that I even had time wait, move to another line, pay and take off before they could even finish their Guiness World Record transaction.
At the end I did felt better... not because I have a new shirt and a pull over that I don't need, but felt better due to the principle of pointing the finger at them and making sure they understood how fucking stupid they were. Oh God thanks for the ability of us, human beings, to spread animosity among our fellow Homo-Sapiens!
Jean-Francois was drunk at 6:01 PM
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