Advice

Advices are like unwanted gifts from relatives, everybody has one for you. Usually one size smaller (shoes) or two sizes bigger (pants, so that you end up looking like MC Hammer). Today though, I'm going to give you an advice that falls into the category "one size fits all". Listen up.

If you come back home hungry like a lion wanting a quick meal, open a can of traditional southern Pork 'n Beans, add some week-old rice, put a little water and pepper, and crank the front burner (the big one) on HIGH... I will advise y'all not to go to your room to take a quick look of your e-mail, unless you want to, er, ahem, uh... how can I put it; unless you want to, ahem, let me just say that you'll end up hungrier and with a fucking lot of cleaning to do before you can start chewing something.

In other words, that ex-girlfriend who cheated on you, treated you like crap, swept and mop the floor with you, and that you thought that having a distance of thousand of miles between you too could prevent her from screwing you up... well, think again.

If you put your beans on high and at the same time receive an e-mail from her telling you some bullshit about her feelings towards you lately, she could be fucking you up -and your dinner, pot, stove and your favorite wood spoon- even before you can write her back a very polite "fUcK yOu!".

Snif; snif; What's that? Smells like if... My beans!!!!! Holy shit!!!!